What is your new year’s resolution and what would you like to achieve this year? Make yourself a priority; here are tips to find your best self!
“I want to stop putting myself down and conquer my fears” is the number one goal that I have heard many clients share, says Anita Barot from Lotus Psychotherapy. Anita, a Licensed Psychotherapist (trained in US), gives us tips on how to think more positively (about ourselves and everything around us), and how to identify if you, or a friend, may be depressed, plus where to seek help.
Why do we perpetually put ourselves down? The constant berating list of how you are not enough and what you could have done is endless. We are in a culture where individuals are constantly falling short of expectations that they impose on themselves. We think about the fact that we should have had a better job, or we should have been the mom that baked for our children. We judge our body for all its imperfections and we constantly measure ourselves up to others rather than focusing on finding your own best self. An accumulation of this has made individuals lose their confidence and lead to feeling sad, hopeless, and not enough. So how can you stop the negative cycle of feeling bad?
Positive Thinking: Tips on changing your mindset
1. Gratitude: Think about 3 things a day that you were able to achieve that day. The more that we move in the direction of possibilities, we are not going to stay in a downward spiral. We will look towards something, rather than focus on what is not working. This exercise helps you to build awareness and take inventory of what is going well.
2. Speak up when you have been hurt: It is good to advocate for yourself by saying, “When you don’t listen to me, I feel hurt and disrespected”. It is important to stay connected to your needs so that you are not allowing someone to put you down. Boundaries are good because it helps us to feel safe and let people know what is and what is not okay.
3. Practice self-care: Make time for yourself to do things to make you happy. Think of one thing that you would like to do and prioritize it. Invest in a new hobby or skill and reinvent yourself if you left your home country and are not sure what you want to do next.
Read more: How self-care makes us better mamas
4. Find a tribe that you feel support from: The more people you can be honest with, the better you will feel. Shame is a powerful emotion and to be loved and understood will make your darkest hour feel better.
5. Stay off social media: When you are depressed, it is good to limit social media as people’s posts and images “glorify” their experiences, and that can make you feel low self-esteem from judging your life against others. It is important to recognize that they are choosing to show you their best pictures so that is not someone’s real life.
6. Seek out therapy: Get support and learn that it is okay to get more help. You are worth the investment and that what you are doing not only helps you, but it supports you to be a better spouse, parent, and in your career.
Tried this and it’s not working?
If you have tried these tips but find yourself unable to find that silver lining, you may need a little extra help. Depression is at an all-time high and it may be hard to pick yourself up when you don’t have anything left inside. Depression affects people from all walks of life, no matter their background. Unfortunately, there is still a stigma that surrounds mental health issues and as a result, individuals often feel alone in their struggles and in their pain. How do you know if you have signs of depression?
Key signs of depression
– Feeling sad and losing pleasure in things you normally used to enjoy
– Changes in appetite (eating too much or eating too little)
– Trouble sleeping, or sleeping too much
– Increased fatigue and loss of energy
– Feeling worthless or guilty
– Difficulty thinking, concentrating, or making decisions
– Thoughts of death or suicide
If you are experiencing one or more of these feelings, don’t suffer on your own in silence, I would love to help. I am a licensed therapist from California and have over 10 years of experience supporting individuals, couples, and families to communicate better, to be self-reflective, and to be able to have more meaningful relationships. The interventions I use will help you understand your longstanding negative behaviour patterns and negative perceptions that have been getting in the way of being fulfilled. You deserve to make yourself a priority! You can contact me at [email protected].