‘A 13-Year-Old Boy Sent Sexually Suggestive Texts To My Friend’s Teenage Daughter’

“The experience left her shaken, questioning whether she had somehow failed her child—if only because her daughter had come to expect this kind of behaviour from boys as just another part of growing up.”

A friend of mine shared her 13-year-old daughter’s unsettling experience–one that I cannot shake. A 13-year-old boy from her daughter’s tuition centre began sending sexually suggestive content to her—content she ignored and refused to watch. Instead of respecting her silence, he lashed out, insulting her for not engaging with what he’d sent. Worse still, he shared her phone number, exposing her to unsolicited messages from strangers.

When she finally confided in her mother, another unsettling revelation emerged. Prior to this, she had also received inappropriate messages from the son of a family friend. Their conversations over WhatsApp had been ordinary—until, suddenly, and without warning, he sent a crude and explicit message asking if she wanted to have sex, followed by emojis with unmistakable sexual connotations.

I thought that felt uncannily similar to the Netflix series Adolescence, where seemingly harmless emojis take on entirely different meanings among teenagers—ranging from casual insults and subtle flirtation to references to human genitals.

Read more: The #1 Factor When Talking To Your Kids About Sexting & Porn, According To Experts

“She assumed this was normal behaviour for boys”

When my friend asked her daughter why she had never mentioned either incident sooner, her response was heartbreaking: because of the earlier experience, she had simply assumed that this was normal behaviour for boys.

In the first case, the boy’s school was informed, and he was counselled. While my friend could have pursued formal action—after all, these were clear instances of sexual harassment, and her daughter is a minor—she ultimately chose not to, given that the school had intervened.

The second case was more complicated. When my friend confronted the boy’s mother, she was met with complete denial. The woman insisted that her son would never do such a thing and claimed that he had been asleep at the time the messages were sent. The boy later offered an excuse of his own, saying his phone had been hacked—an explanation that felt far too convenient.

Though my friend has since cut ties with this family, she hopes the incident at least compelled the mother to have an honest conversation with her son about the gravity of such actions—whether she believed him or not.

Through it all, my friend remained a steadfast source of support for her daughter. Still, the experience left her shaken, questioning whether she had somehow failed her child—if only because her daughter had come to expect this kind of behaviour from boys as just another part of growing up.

Read more: Teaching Your Kids About Their Bodies & Inappropriate Touch

Who’s at fault?

After sharing my friend’s story, I know there will be those who default to victim blaming, questioning whether the girl had somehow encouraged these boys or if her clothing suggested something inappropriate. But the truth is simple—she did nothing except exist as a girl.

Instead of blaming victims, shouldn’t we be asking why these men and boys perpetrate violence against women and girls? Why is it that women cannot trust men—or even boys—to behave with decency and respect? To trust that they will keep their hands to themselves, that they won’t resort to harassment or assault? If men were better raised and educated on gender equality and respect, women wouldn’t have to live in fear of being harassed, molested or attacked by men.

In Singapore, more than 460 young people aged 19 years old and below were arrested for sexual crimes in 2024. The Ministry of Home Affairs noted that early and repeated exposure to pornography may affect young people’s understanding of healthy relationships, while inappropriate and inaccurate information could lead to distorted perceptions about sexual activities.

Last year, Singapore’s police force pegged voyeurism and outrage of modesty among top crimes of concern in the country. Voyeurism cases rose by 9% to 519 cases in 2024. and despite a slight decline in outrage of modesty cases by 6.6% to 1,427 cases, the police noted that the offense remains a serious concern.

Concerns over gender-based crimes are not just limited to Singapore. In fact, the rise in violent crimes against women in the UK was a key motivator for Stephen Graham and Jack Thorne to write Adolescence.

Read more: My Kid Found Porn Online: Here’s What I Wish I’d Done Differently

What are boys learning?

The most unsettling part of my conversation with my friend wasn’t just the harassment her daughter endured—it was the fact that the boys responsible were only 13 years old and that begs the question: what have they been learning? That sending unsolicited sexual content is acceptable? That violating boundaries somehow earns them admiration? Where did they even get these ideas?

The answer, more often than not, lies in the internet, social media, and even pornography—digital spaces that shape attitudes in ways many parents fail to recognise until the damage is done.

I had hoped that movements like #MeToo had led to a deeper understanding of consent and respect, that parents were actively educating their children, that the world was shifting toward greater empathy and equality. But clearly, that isn’t happening fast enough, or at least, efforts have seemed to be stymied by the influence of toxic public figures.

The reality is, we are raising children in an era drastically different from the one we grew up in. When I was a teen, a phone call from a boy used to require passing through the filter of my parent answering the house line. Now, social media bombards children with questionable content, and instant messaging gives them direct access to people—both familiar and unknown—without oversight.

While public figures like Andrew Tate—the self-proclaimed misogynist who has more than 10 million followers on X and who was also mentioned in Adolescence—play a significant role in spreading misogynistic rhetoric, the responsibility does not rest solely on them.

Parents, too, must be accountable, much like Jaime’s parents in Adolescence, who, in the gut-wrenching final scene, are left grieving in their son’s empty room. His father’s words—’I should have done better’—serve as a painful reminder that vigilance, education, and involvement in a child’s life are crucial long before tragedy strikes.

Read more: How To Talk To Kids About Sex In An Age-Appropriate Way

What are parents to do?

So parents, be present, engaged and vigilant with your children. Monitor what your children are exposed to—check their phones, their online interactions. This isn’t a violation of privacy; it’s responsible parenting. As children transition to secondary school, they gain more independence, but they still need guidance, especially when navigating peer influences and digital spaces.

And have the honest, hard conversations with your children. After watching Adolescence and hearing my friend’s story, I shared them with my daughters, teaching them how to respond if they ever face similar situations. Most importantly, I reminded them that their mum and dad will always stand by them and do what’s right.

Parents of boys, you have the power to shape the future of gender equality. It begins at home with the examples you set and the values you instil. Teach your sons that respect for women is not just about obeying laws—it’s about integrity, empathy, and recognising women’s equal worth in all aspects of life.

Parents of girls, your daughters must understand their right to set boundaries, to call out inappropriate behaviour, and refuse to suffer in silence. “Boys will be boys” is not an excuse for harassment—it is a dangerous dismissal of actions that can escalate into serious wrongdoing.

For too long, safety has been placed squarely on women—on their choices, their movements, their clothing—rather than men’s accountability. The real shift must come from educating children before they adopt distorted views of masculinity and sexism. Real safety will only exist when men and boys take responsibility for ensuring they do not inflict harm.