“SG has one of the best education systems …There are times when I wonder if we made the right choice” SG mama in Salisbury, UK

Being a SAHM isn’t an easy job. After years in the corporate world, I suddenly went from interacting with many people to just one, Kara. I do feel like I have lost a sense of identity. However, I am grateful to be able to witness all of Kara’s milestones…”

Singaporean mum of one, Huili, lives in the UK with her British husband Tony, a Country Manager in the Maritime industry, and her lively 4-year-old daughter, Kara, who holds dual citizenship (Singaporean and British). Huili left an HR career when Kara was born, as she wanted to be a more hands-on parent and give Kara all her attention. Huili’s main request to her husband regarding moving abroad was to wait until after Kara turned 1, so they could make the most of the support network and encourage strong family bonds. For Huili, who has lived in Singapore her whole life, moving across the globe for her family wasn’t an easy one. Now she relishes what she calls the ‘kampong spirit’ in her Salisbury village. Although she sometimes wonders if they made the right choice given Singapore’s acclaimed education system, her family are enjoying a slower pace of life, the benefits of being close to nature and giving their daughter a more balanced and holistic environment to grow up.

Read more stories of Singaporean parents living life overseas.

When did you move to the UK and what were the reasons you decided to move there?

We moved to Salisbury, UK in 2022. The main reason for the move was to give Kara a happy and stress-free childhood that she will remember for life. We wanted her to have a space to run and to be close to nature. We wanted to avoid endless enrichment, tuition on weekends and at the same time we didn’t want to change our lifestyle like travelling, doing activities and spending quality family time together.

My husband’s organisation has been supportive with his transition to the UK office and our move. It is beneficial that they have a good flexi-work arrangement policy in place that encourages Work-Life Balance. We can definitely see that the quality of life is better here.

Favourite aspect about living in the UK?

The peacefulness, without the hustle and bustle of city life. We are in the countryside and we wake up to fresh air, birdsong and sheep baa-ing. When I wake up the first thing I see is a field full of sheep next to our back garden and it’s so tranquil to stand at the window watching them. During lambing season, we get to witness the sheep as they become pregnant and go through the birthing process. Kara is always present, eager to greet the newborn lambs, often getting the chance to pat them and even help with feeding.

We love the space here. We grow our own vegetables and fruits. I will always spend an hour or so in the garden first thing in the morning to attend to them. I find it rather therapeutic.

There is just so much to explore around us – nature and beaches. On weekends, we are usually out and about exploring local trails and we love our road trips! We might drive 5 hrs to the Lake District or 8 hrs to Scotland. We enjoy exploring new places together as a family and we have seen how Kara thrives in this environment. She has become very independent, confident, sociable, outgoing and outspoken.

And the worst part?

Being away from family and friends is tough. Sometimes I really long for those casual catch ups or simply having them close by. And of course, the food! I especially miss the impromptu late night suppers with family and friends.

I do miss the reliability, affordability, and convenience of public transport in Singapore. I also miss the efficiency of Singapore. The public transport system is so reliable and always runs on time, and seeing how government services and processes are streamlined, makes me appreciate Singapore even more.

The unpredictable weather here is another challenge but we just roll with it. We don’t really check the weather forecast in Singapore but over here, checking the weather forecast is a must, a few times a day actually. That’s how unpredictable it could get. You could experience three seasons in just one day! So when we go out we pack wet and cold weather jackets. When I first came here, I realised people here don’t really use umbrellas when it rains (it’s usually too windy when it rains and umbrellas get blown away!)

How did you meet your partner?

We met through a friend while living in Singapore.

How do you think parenting (and schools) in the UK differs from Singapore? What do you appreciate most about it?

Parents are very chill here. They focus a lot on the child’s well-being, encouraging children to spend time outdoors playing and learning, without overwhelming them with too many activities or lessons at once. For example, Kara’s nursery is a mix of indoor and outdoor setting. It has a big farm with lots of animals like alpacas, goats, chicken, duck, donkey ponies. She gets to be outdoors every day feeding the animals, picking eggs, playing in the mud kitchen and sometimes they go for a walk in the woods. And we get fresh eggs from her nursery. Kara likes helping out in our garden, helping with planting, watering, and harvesting. Involving her in all these makes her appreciate the effort involved and where our food comes from. In Singapore, she wouldn’t be able to experience this and connect so closely with nature.

Singapore has one of the best education systems, no doubt. There are times when I do wonder if we made the right choice for Kara. We want her to not only focus on academics but also enjoy the process of learning and growing up, thriving in areas such as sports, creative arts, social activities, and play. We believe that nurturing her emotional development and social skills is just as important as academic achievement. Compared to Singapore, education here is less stressful and competitive, allowing her to flourish in a more balanced and holistic environment.

Most families I know back in Singapore have both parents working, sometimes long hours, which often means not spending enough quality family time together. In contrast, the situation where we live is quite different. Most of the mothers work part time and their working hours are wrapped around school hours as childcare is hard to come by here. Hence there will be at least one parent at home spending time with their kid/s. It’s a much slower pace of life here that makes us slow down to appreciate every single thing in life. Most of the time, Tony is able to finish work on time. We try to fit in walks, the playground or even a picnic while watching the sunset whenever we can, allowing us to spend quality family time together.

What do you find is the hardest part of being a parent living in a foreign country?

My family will miss Kara’s growing up journey and she will miss all the family gatherings. I do feel a sense of guilt having to take that away from her.

Lack of family support. Sometimes I feel isolated and unsure of who and where to turn to for help and encouragement. While lacking family support, I am grateful that my friends step in to provide the encouragement and support that I need.

Have you managed to integrate with the local community?

Yes. I joined a ‘Singaporeans in UK’ Facebook page before coming over. And I am lucky to have made quite a few Singaporean friends in Salisbury and they are just a stone’s throw away. The good thing about having a child is it forces you to go out and make friends with other mummies. Baby and Toddler groups are easily available here and they are free! I have gotten to know a few mummies in our village through a Baby and Toddler group held in the village hall and from there friendships have blossomed, and every now and then we will meet up for coffee or playdates.

We try to attend village events whenever we can. We are very lucky where we are, nice and supportive neighbours, always on the lookout for each other. For example, whenever we are away on holiday, my friends in the village will offer to water our plants and vegetables. I feel grateful for being part of this community. This is the kampong spirit that our parents and grandparents’ generation experienced in the past.

Tell us about your career pre- and post-kids?

I was in the HR prior to having Kara. I left my career to be a full time SAHM when Kara was born. A decision deeply influenced by my years advocating for work-life balance and employee engagement. These experiences gave me valuable insight into the significant impact that work-life balance has on employees’ personal and family lives. And I enjoyed seeing firsthand how supporting employees’ well-being led to greater satisfaction both at work and at home.

But being a SAHM isn’t an easy job. After many years of working in the corporate world, I suddenly went from interacting with many people to just one, Kara. I do feel like I have lost a sense of identity. However, I am grateful to be able to witness all of Kara’s milestones and support her every step of the way.

How do you and your partner juggle work and dividing up family roles?

I am the CEO at home. While I handle most of the responsibilities at home, I am grateful that Tony is very hands on and a supportive husband and father. He helps whenever possible to ensure I can take a break. He also handles Kara’s morning routine when he can and her night time routine is their special father-daughter bonding time.Tony will try his best to watch over Kara whenever his workload allows while working from home, so I can have some time to recharge.

I am a task-oriented parent, while he is the entertainment parent. Tony makes an effort every day to take Kara to the playground, the woods for their adventure walk or hiding in their secret garden having fun. This is the environment that we envision for Kara to grow up in where she can wander off and play in the garden on her own, be outdoors chasing the birds, looking for frogs in her pond, picking flowers, it allows for her creativity and imagination to flourish.

Is there something that you do to keep your child in touch with their Singaporean roots?

I communicate with Kara in Mandarin, sometimes Singlish. I’ll buy Chinese storybooks whenever I am back in Singapore. I try to source for books related to Singapore and festivals that we celebrate back home. For example, stories related to Chinese New Year, Gardens by the Bay, Changi Airport, Singapore Flyer, MRT, local food. So whenever we are back in Singapore, we will make an effort to visit those places and eat the food. And this gets her excited. We believe that nurturing her connection to Singapore will help her appreciate her heritage and feel a sense of belonging, even when we are far from home.

I also cook Singapore food and try to involve her in the cooking process. For example, we made onde onde, tang yuan together for our Singapore gathering.

We also watch the NDP on TV and we even got a chance to attend the NDP preview during our trip back home in June, teaching her the national anthem, the pledge and national day songs.

We do video calls regularly with our family and sometimes and when there are birthday celebrations they will video call us during the birthday singing and cake cutting segment.

On raising a multilingual child …

Kara speaks two languages, English and Mandarin, and a bit of French. Since Kara started speaking at the age of 1, she was being exposed to both languages. Tony speaks to her in English, while I speak to her in Mandarin. After Kara speaks to me, she repeats the same in English to Tony, this has become a daily routine. We are amazed by how quickly she picks up new words and how naturally she moves between languages, her enthusiasm inspires us every day. Now at the age of 4, she speaks better Mandarin than her cousins at home.

Also whenever she is back in Singapore, she will order the food and drinks in Mandarin.

What is the first thing you do each time you come back to Singapore?

‘Whack’ the food! My family and I will go out for dinner immediately after we touch down, usually to Seng Kee Black Chicken Herbal Soup at Kembangan. Nothing beats a nice warm bowl of herbal soup and local delicacies.

I love my carrot cake, prawn mee, kaya butter toast and Kopi Sui Sui Dai. My friends know, no Western food and restaurants. I love to soak myself in the Kopitiam and hawker centre ambiences!

What do you always bring back from Singapore for yourself and for your child?

At least one full luggage of food and snacks! Bags of Kopi O Kosong and Teh O from Kim Guan Guan, Prima Taste and Wang cooking paste, sambal, dark soya sauce, dehydrated seafood, titbits, Gems biscuits, Meiji Hello Panda, Pocky, kaya and not forgetting Pandan cake. Not forgetting Uniqlo!

Top five places in Salisbury (or the UK) that you would recommend to parents travelling with kids and why.

Salisbury Cathedral:
One of the finest cathedrals in the UK, home to Britain’s tallest spire and largest cathedral close and cloisters. Book a tower tour to wind your way up 332 spiraling steps to the base of the spire, 68m (223ft) above the ground. Or you could simply sit on the grass, have a picnic with kids running around while admiring the cathedrals.

Wilton House:
A historic country house, the home of the Earls of Pembroke since 1542. The home has appeared in several programmes and films like The Crown, Bridgerton, Johnny English Reborn, among other blockbusters. Book a tour for the house and grounds. Pack a picnic and let the kids run wild in the big adventure playground. Trust me, you can easily spend a whole day here with the kids.

Old Sarum walk:
One of the most historically important sites in southern England. Just two miles north of Salisbury is the Iron Age hillfort of Old Sarum. This English Heritage site is also the original site of Salisbury and has the remains of the original cathedral as well as a once bustling medieval castle. You can walk right round its prehistoric outer ramparts, raised by Iron Age people in about 400 BC.

Longleat Safari Park:
Get face to face with lions, tigers, meerkats, koalas and more through the Drive-Through and Walking Safari. They have a playground and rides for kids. Do check out their website as they hold events all year round.

Farm shops and cafe culture
There are a lot of farm shops and cafes in the UK. And there’re a few around Salisbury. Just make sure to pop in and visit them and enjoy a cuppa of tea and a traditional English breakfast.

What’s the one thing you would miss about the UK if you moved away?

Being close to nature. And if there is one more thing I could add that would be the kampong spirit.

What do you dread and look forward to most if you were to move back to Singapore?

Humans! It’s just so busy everywhere. Driving in Singapore is a nightmare. It is so much nicer to be driving in the UK where drivers are so respectful.

How do you think Singaporeans can benefit from living overseas?

Broaden your horizons and step out of your comfort zone – it definitely makes you more resilient. It will make you appreciate Singapore even more!

Read more stories of Singaporean parents living life overseas.