Textpat Wives: The 5 Moms You Meet at School Drop-Off

The Textpat Wives take us through the five kinds of moms you’re apt to meet at school drop-off. Which one are you, mama?

Last month we introduced you to the Textpat Wives, who have just launched a hilarious new guidebook to Singapore. For a little taste of their humor (which always has a caring heart at its core), these two mamas of three have rounded up a cheeky list of school drop-off types. If you’re a Singapore preschool or international school newbie, be sure to read up, mama!

No, of course there are not just FIVE types of Expat Mom. We’re nothing if not a diverse bunch, and of course there are some one-of-a-kinds out there. But that said, we think most expat moms you meet at school drop-off fall into one of these categories…

Which one are you, mama? Or do you see a little of yourself in a few?

Images sourced via Getty

Yes, she’s first in line… in everything. She’s always on time, her hair is done, her kids’ clothes are color-coordinated – good God is she wearing LIPGLOSS?! This mom has her s*** together. DO NOT ask her lame questions such as, “So what’s the deal with bringing nuts to school?” DO count on her to be the Class Mom, to arrange the teachers’ gifts, the class parties, and the obligatory coffee mornings.Oh, but she has a little secret: She’s not always as on top of things as she seems. In fact, her kid has meltdowns, her dog gets sick on the rug, and her husband clogs the toilet, just like everyone else’s. She just remembers the lip gloss.

God we love this mom. She’s the one screeching into the carpark five minutes after school starts, with three kids buckled into various-sized car seats and one latched on to a boob. The poor woman has been sleeping in 30-minute increments for years, because even if she does have two helpers at home, she’s got her hands full. Her little secret: She needs a night out. Invite her for drinks, be cool when she’s late (because she had to put 8 people to sleep first), and by drink number three she’ll be dancing on the table.

Every class has at least one. She somehow knows every kid, and every mom, before school has even started in August. She’s on a first-name basis with all the teachers and staff, and you (and your kid) are FOR SURE in her phone contacts even if she’s not in yours. She’s probably already friended you on Facebook. Her little secret: Her life may not be the back-to-back coffee/lunch/playdate/girls-night that it seems to be, and she might actually be a little lonely. Maybe her husband travels a lot. Maybe she’s super homesick. Maybe she hasn’t made any close friends here yet. So have a one-on-one with the butterfly. She might surprise you.

Bless her heart, she’s stressed. She doesn’t understand why the kids have to wear uniforms, or don’t have to wear uniforms. She thinks the math is too hard, or too easy. She doesn’t like the school bus, she doesn’t like driving here, taxis make her nervous and the bus takes too long. Her phone is likely full of photos of various rashes, bumps, and bites that her kids have had since she moved here, which she shares with everyone to get their opinion. Was she like this back in her home country? No one knows. All we know is, that lady is stressed out. But, she has a secret too: If she’s like the Anxious Moms we know, she is easily calmed. She just needs someone to say it’ll all be ok. And maybe a croissant. And a Xanax. Then she’ll be fine.

She may be at preschool drop-off, but she’s also already got two kids in Uni. She’s been an expat on every continent. Plus she’s been in Singapore for 13 years. She could pack up and move tomorrow with one hand tied behind her back (she’s done that too), and by week’s end her house would look amazing, her kids would be settled right in, and she’d have found the best helper anyone has ever seen. There is nothing that can faze this lady because she’s already Been There, Done That, about everything. But even she has a little secret: She’s probably happy to hold your newbie hand a little, even if you are new to all of this. Make her your personal Yoda and ask her where she buys her groceries, how she limits screen time, where she gets her highlights done. Don’t be intimidated by the Seasoned Mom. Learn from her.