‘Parenting In Norway Is More Relaxed And Centred Around Children’s Happiness’ SG Mum Of 3

‘Singapore’s education system focuses a lot on following instructions and discipline. In Norway, even in kindergarten, my kids were told to take turns to decide what they do as a group.’

Serene Tan lives in Norway with her Norwegian husband, Endre Håland, and their three children: Elena, 19, who has just started university in Bergen; Emma, 16; and Sondre, 10. Serene met her husband in Singapore at the National University of Singapore, where he was an exchange student during his master’s studies. Here she tells us about their life in Norway with its great work-life balance, how the education system focuses on soft skills and how they have learnt to accept mess and to focus only on the important things like happiness and harmony as a family.

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Tell us about your move to Norway

I had my first daughter in Singapore, a year after my career started. The working hours in Singapore are really long, and after my second daughter was born, I realised that I had missed many of my first daughter’s milestones because of my busy work schedule. We decided to move to Norway in 2009 when my second daughter was six months old, as my husband had secured an interesting job opportunity there and we knew there was a better work-life balance (in Norway, working hours are from 8am to 4pm and companies respect and advocate for work-life balance).

Favourite aspect about living in Norway?

What I appreciate most is the sense of freedom, the beautiful nature and open spaces, the high quality of life and standard of living and the excellent work-life balance. Housing, as well as cabins or holiday homes, is also affordable.

And the worst part?

The worst part is perhaps the unstable weather.

How do you think parenting (and schools) in Norway differ from Singapore? What do you appreciate most about it?

Parenting and schooling in Norway are much more relaxed and centred around the children’s enjoyment and happiness, with less focus on academics. There is also a stronger emphasis on social and soft-skills development. I appreciate that this allows children to grow up more confident and positive.

What do you find is the hardest part of being a parent living in a foreign country?

The most challenging aspect is perhaps finding the right balance between instilling discipline and competitiveness while also allowing full autonomy. Singapore’s education system and culture place a strong emphasis on listening to teachers, following instructions and discipline. While in Norway, even in kindergarten, my kids were told to take turns deciding what they would do as a group. There is a lot of focus on soft skills, on self-care needs and expressing their wishes.

Tell us about your career pre- and post-birth.

I am a VP and Head of Structured Finance at a Norwegian energy company. I started my career in Singapore, but then had my first daughter a year later. As mentioned before, after my second daughter was born, I realised that I had missed many of my first daughter’s milestones because of my busy work schedule. After we moved to Norway in 2009, when my second daughter was six months old, I was a housewife for the first five months, then took a part-time job for a year. I eventually moved back into full-time work.

You moved back to Singapore from 2013 to 2016 – what led to this decision?

My husband and I both work for Equinor, a Norway state-owned energy company. We were sent to Singapore to work as expats.

How did your two daughters cope with the move back to Singapore – did they go to a local school, and if so, how was that experience for three years?

They were at an international school, for which we managed to get an exemption. We were concerned that they couldn’t cope with the local school, hence we opted for an international school.

Was your third child born in Norway?

Sondre was born in Singapore – it was not really planned in advance. I prefer the medical care in Singapore and would probably hesitate to be pregnant if I weren’t in Singapore.

Why did you decide to move back to Norway?

We had come to the end of our expat term, and our family was ready to return to Norway. Living in Singapore as expats was great, but we wouldn’t have managed the same lifestyle long-term. The kids would have to revert to the local school.

How do you and your partner juggle work and divide up family roles?

My husband is very hands-on with housework. I usually do the cooking and grocery shopping, while he takes care of most of the other household chores. In Singapore, we used to have a helper, and the house was always clean and neat. After moving to Norway, we learned to focus only on the important things, like happiness and family harmony. We now make housework a family chore and we have learned to accept mess and not be stressed. I nag less for sure!

Have you managed to integrate with the local community?

To a large extent, I am integrated into Norwegian life. I have a full-time job, my husband is from the area, and I have a social network, also with other foreigners in Norway. We spend a lot of time on our own as a family and enjoy going to the cabins during the weekends.

Is there something that you do to keep your children in touch with their Singaporean roots?

We still celebrate Chinese New Year here in Norway, and we travel back to Singapore every other year. During the alternate years, my parents come to Norway. This helps us ensure that the family stays close and bonded.

On raising a multilingual child …

My children speak both English and Norwegian, but I did not teach them Mandarin. I consider myself a pretty chill mummy.

What is the first thing you do each time you come back to Singapore?

I like to go to the hawker centres and for a massage.

What do you always bring back from Singapore for yourself and for your child?

I always bring back dried herbs and curry spices because I love to cook.

Top five places in Norway that you would recommend to parents travelling with kids and why.

There are many beautiful places in Norway for the holidays! In summer, Kristiansand, Lindesnes and Mandal are popular seaside destinations for boating and fishing. Bergen and Stavanger also have some famous sightseeing spots.

What’s the one thing you would miss about Norway if you moved away?

The fresh clean air!

What do you dread and look forward to most if you were to move back to Singapore?

I dread the general human congestion everywhere, but I always look forward to spending time with friends and family and I enjoy the food.

How do you think Singaporeans can benefit from living overseas?

Living abroad has helped me broaden my horizons and mindset. I have also learnt to appreciate work-life balance!

Read more stories of Singaporean parents living life overseas.