SG McDonald’s Director In Chicago: ‘I’m Labelled A Tiger mom … In SG I Was A Chilled Out Mama!’

“In Singapore, you can trust that school will give a robust education…in the US, I’m labelled a Tiger mom because I need to do the pushing.”

Singaporean mum of two, Nicole Cankaya, is a director at McDonald’s global HQ in Chicago. She moved to the US in 2023 with her two girls and her husband, Mert Cankaya, because he was seconded there for work. Mert, originally Turkish but now Singaporean, is a Chief Strategy Officer at a cybersecurity firm. Nicole chats to us about family life in Chicago with her daughters, Lara (5) and Ela Cankaya (4). Nicole shares how the education system differs in the US, and how she’s now labelled a Tiger Mom, how she would love to be back in Singapore in the next few years, what she’d miss most from the US (hint: it’s a certain budget retailer) and what she dreads about moving back.

Read more stories of Singaporean parents living life overseas.

Favourite aspect about living in Chicago?
Having seasons is nice, going from winter to spring is my favourite! Because we have been huddled down for winter for so long, having a nice crisp spring day is so lovely! Also, how everyone seems to celebrate the changing seasons too, from Halloween to Thanksgiving to Christmas to Valentine’s Day! Every occasion is celebrated.

And the worst part?
The high crime rate is definitely the worst part, especially the school shootings. There is always this nagging fear when I drop my kids off at school.

How did you meet your partner?
We met while doing our MBA at INSEAD. It was on a trip in Portugal that one of our classmates organised, and we met there and have been together ever since.

How do you think parenting (and schools) in the US differ from Singapore? What do you appreciate most about it?
In Singapore, you can trust that the school will give a robust education to your child (whether they like it or not) and that kids with an affinity for some subjects will be challenged. There are also exams at almost every level, or at the very least tests like Ting Xie and spelling tests weekly from even K2 onwards. I feel this helps kids cope with stressful situations well, as they get used to it and can work under pressure better in the future.

In the US, there is no spelling test, barely a second language, and you learn to read when you’re ready, which can be up to fourth grade sometimes! So, in Singapore, I was a chilled-out mama, but in the US, I am now labelled a Tiger mom because I need to do the pushing here.

What do you find is the hardest part of being a parent living in a foreign country?
The lack of family support. We do not have any family or relatives nearby for support and comfort; everyone is a very long flight away. Especially with both my husband and my parents getting older, there is always this nervousness of something happening. I can also feel that they worry about us every time they see any news reports on crime in Chicago or the US, for that matter.

Have you managed to integrate with the local community?
I bring the family to community events, especially now that we have moved to the suburbs. The elementary school is a main focal point for social activities, so during pick up and drop off, I speak to other parents learning all about the activities that I have never heard of like a “pep rally”, “homecoming” and “tailgate” and we try participating in them.

How do you and your partner juggle work and divide up family roles?
After more than two years here, we have a system. My husband and I share the family responsibilities, so he prepares the girls’ lunchboxes and snacks for school every morning while I get the kids washed up, dressed and hair done for school. I make dinner while he plays with the girls in the garden. He plans all the holidays, and I do the packing and unpacking. We are fortunate to have a flexible work-from-home schedule that allows us to be here a lot for the children. It was a similar case for us in Singapore (though that was mainly due to COVID-19 restrictions at that time)

Is there something that you do to keep your children in touch with their Singaporean roots?
We have very regular calls with the grandparents in Singapore. Additionally, in the summer, we go to Singapore for a couple of months, and while there, I enrol my daughters in a school, ideally a bilingual school. So far, they have enjoyed their time in Singapore school and have great memories with their classmates and teachers there.

On raising a multilingual child …
I signed my girls up for Chinese school here, and they go once a week. I don’t think this is enough to learn the language, but at least it’ll give them a start. Then they get more exposure while in Singapore for the summer. My husband is also originally Turkish, so he speaks to them in Turkish at home. They respond mostly in English, though, so we’re still working on it.

What is the first thing you do each time you come back to Singapore?
First thing I do once I land in Singapore is leave the kids with the grandparents and sleep uninterrupted for as long as I can! Then we will all go out and eat Wanton Mee!!

What do you always bring back from Singapore for yourself and for your child?
I bring my favourite Prima Taste Chilli Crab instant noodles. They are so delicious and taste like home. For the kids, I bring rice crackers and assessment books.

Top five places in Chicago that you would recommend to parents travelling with kids and why.

There are many places in and around Chicago that are worth visiting.

1. In Chicago itself, I highly recommend the Maggie Daley Park. There is a huge park with a playground for kids to run around and the famous Chicago Bean is there and other unique sculptures to view too
2. Lincoln Park Zoo is also a must – there are so many animals there and they are all in large enclosures and can be seen all the time
3. Children’s Museum at Navy Pier – the children’s museum at Navy Pier is a large space for the kids to explore and there are several workshops for the kids to participate in. Additionally, in the summer, right outside the museum, there is a water play area where you can get splashed running in and out of the water
4. Chicago Beaches – Chicago is by a fresh water lake so you get the great beach feel without the stickiness of salt water. Kids always love the beach, playing with the sand and splashing in the water. Just note that there is no shade, so you’ll need to bring your own beach umbrellas
5. And finally, my favourite place, COSTCO! There are so many snacks and other awesome things you can buy there at reasonable prices. You’ll need a car or an Uber for this, though.

What are your future plans regarding where you might live?
I just plan a year at a time these days, so we just see where life takes us. I would love to be back in Singapore in the next few years.

What’s the one thing you would miss about Chicago/the US if you moved away?
Costco. I love shopping at Costco and buying meat, snacks and vitamins in bulk. Walking around the aisles, getting some samples, everyone is so polite and friendly. Also, milk is being sold in gallons and is only $2.50 a gallon!

What do you dread and look forward to most if you were to move back to Singapore?
What I dread is paying the COE to buy a car. I love Singapore; it’s always going to be home to me, but that COE price tag is a tough one. I get why it’s there, but dang, it’s steep and only getting more expensive every month.

How do you think Singaporeans can benefit from living overseas?
Singaporeans can benefit from living overseas to appreciate that the cost of living is rising for EVERYONE, not just in Singapore. We can appreciate having a stable government and how easy it is to use government services with Singpass as a one-stop shop instead of queuing up at the various offices to get things done, like the DMV and the IRS. Instructions are never clear; there is no system to it. Finally, we can appreciate the easy access to cheap and good food from anywhere in the world!

Read more stories of Singaporean parents living life overseas.